Mirror, Mirror

Have you ever returned from church, shopping,etc. looked at yourself in the mirror and said "Good heavens, I can't believe I left the house looking like that!"? I do that quite frequently, but it doesn't help when whoever I'm talking to says "you look like you always do." Gee, thanks. Have you ever heard a recording of your own voice and said, "I hate the way I sound. I don't sound like that."? Everyone else is telling you it sounds exactly like you while lamenting the sound of their own voices, that incidentally sound just like them. It's obvious that we do not perceive ourselves in the same way others do. Because of this, sometimes we need a reality check. That photo that makes us realize we need to lose a few pounds. That video that shows just how bad our posture really is. Sometimes we face the facts and choose to ignore them, but other times shock is enough to jolt us out of our complacency and do something to correct a problem.

God has given me some jolts lately and let me tell you, it has not been fun. A while back, I prayed a prayer and asked God to show me myself. (NOTE: Do not pray this prayer unless you are willing to see yourself, because God WILL answer it!) I wanted to know, what sins are in my life that I am not aware of; is my relationship with Jesus being hindered because of unconfessed sin; am I properly broken over my sin or do I just ignore it and hope it will go away? Wow. What a jolt. Honestly, I thought I was doing pretty good. Oh, I knew I sinned and there were things in my life I needed to work on, but the things God has revealed to me over the past few weeks have been disturbing to say the least. SELFISHNESS, worry, my attitudes, and ingratitude to name just a few...many of these areas I have known about and chosen to ignore or attempt to justify with various excuses.

Yesterday at church, the pastor was preaching on sin(could God be trying to tell me something??) He pointed out that when we are on a "spiritual high" we tend to just ignore the sin in our lives, thinking it will go away or stay hidden - after all we tell ourselves, "God and I are great right now and I'm really not struggling with that." However, that is when we are most vulnerable to attack - our pride makes us think we are invincible. He also pointed out that many times we are not willing to give up the sins in our lives. My dad calls these "pet sins." Those things we turn to when we need comfort, a distraction, or when we are a little ticked off (at God, maybe?)and want to rebel. These "pet sins" become almost like a security blanket and we scream and throw a fit when God tries to get us to give them up. The sad thing is, we know where sin leads us. Away from God. Yet, we still struggle and fight when confronted with the truth. Jesus has already won the victory over sin. Why do we insist on picking them back up and allowing them to have place in our lives?

In the Old Testament, when God's children were struggling with the sin of idolatry, they were commanded to "utterly destroy" the idols they worshiped. Not put them on a shelf or bury them in the sand and pretend they weren't there, but UTTERLY DESTROY. The pastor said yesterday, "There can be no victory in Jesus name, unless we declare all out war on the sins in our lives." How can I live the abundant life Jesus promised if I am secretly nursing bitterness, anger, selfishness, or pride in my heart and refuse to give it up when God commands me to? The words of David come to mind:

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me...Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit..." Ps. 51:10,12

As hard as this time is, I'm thankful that God answered my prayer. I'm thankful that He is not willing to leave me as I am. I am truly thankful that I am not in this alone. Jesus has won the victory over sin and we have the promises of His word that He will fight for us and give us the strength we need to face the struggles and sins in our lives. May I have a willing and submissive spirit as He continues the work He has begun.