Lessons

I started to title this post Lessons Learned, but realized Lessons Learning might be more appropriate. I've been in school the past couple of months. Not a class of my choosing, mind you, but I'm taking notes and hoping the lessons will remain. I still have a long way to go, but hopefully I am moving from where I am to where God wants me to be. It hasn't always been pretty and it's been exhausting to say the least.

Several weeks ago, I was reading Psalms, looking, searching for something, anything to give me a sense of direction, a reminder that God hasn't forgotten - that He has a plan. I discussed with my best friend my frustration over not seeming to "get anything." I said something to the effect of: "the Psalms are full of brutal honesty, questions, complaining, etc. but when taken in context, David was being chased and hunted by people who wanted to kill him. Nothing I am facing is that bad. I'm just frustrated with circumstances right now and in comparison to what David was facing, what many people around the world are facing today, my whining and complaining is a little over the top and annoying. I mean, I don't have any enemies." The week after that conversation I would learn just how wrong I was.

It came from nowhere, it was such a seemingly unimportant thing, but I was attacked by my enemy over an issue that sent me - literally - to the floor. For a solid week I cried - even in public places and at work. I spent countless hours alone b/c I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. A complete stranger stopped me on the walking track to ask if I was okay ( I wasn't even crying that day.) I looked like I had aged 10 years. This was an all-out spiritual battle that I can't fully explain. If you have experienced something similar, you get it. I was helpless. I questioned God's character, care, and compassion. If you had asked me what was wrong I couldn't tell you. All I could do was ask my dad and my best friend to pray for me. I couldn't even tell them how to pray. This was more than just a bad day or a bad week. It was not hormonal. It was more than just being frustrated over circumstances. It was more than just the "trials of life." No person was attacking me, harming me, or being mean to me. This was an oppression deep within my spirit that affected me spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Many moments all I could say was "God help me!"

I realized toward the end of that week, that I do have an enemy - and his goal is to steal -steal my joy and peace. His goal is to destroy - my faith, my witness, me - and he doesn't care how he does it. His tactics are so subtle that most of the time we don't even realize we are in trouble until a gaping hole has been blown in our armor. (Ephesians 6:10-18) I was completely unprepared for an attack and especially one of such intensity. Those Psalms I mentioned have now taken on a whole new meaning.

This is not the first time something like this has happened. My family has experienced warfare in my dad's ministry over the years and about 13 years ago, I personally went through a similar experience. I guess over time I became less aware, less vigilant. I dropped my shield and my enemy saw the opportunity to attack. That's what is so scary. I knew it could happen and let my guard down anyway.

Thankfully though, I serve a God who will fight for me and although I do have an enemy, he has already been defeated. I am learning, once again how important it is for me to be in God's word constatnly, believing the truth He has given us - no matter how I may be feeling at the moment. I am learning how necessary it is to "take every thought captive" (2 Cor. 10:5) and not allow the lies of my enemy to take root. There are other lessons coming out of this experience, but it's taking a while to process them all.

Thankfully, the oppression is gone and although I'm still struggling with the initial issue somewhat, I am learning to trust God's plan, timing, care, and character. I am also learning that I am not immune to spiritual attack - the very times I think I have it all together are the times when it all comes crashing down. (1 Cor. 10:12) This is war (Eph. 6:11-12) and it is foolish and arrogant to think I can fight it alone.

"Do not fear them, for the Lord your God is the one fighting for you." Deuteronomy 3:22

"The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and rescues them." Psalm 34:7

"Behold, God is my helper; The Lord is the sustainer of my soul." Psalm 54:4

"...when my heart is faint, lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For Thou has been a refuge for me, a tower of strength against the enemy,." Psalm 61:2b-3

"I will say to the Lord, 'my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust!' For it is He who delivers you..." Psalm 91:2-3a

I'll simply close this post with a warning found in 1 Peter 5:8-9a "Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. You adversary the devil prowls about like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But ressit him, firm in your faith..."

And a promise from 2 Thes. 3:3,5,16 "But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one...and may the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and the steadfastness of Christ...Now may the Lord of peace continually grant you peace in every circumstance. The Lord be with you all!" Amen.