Insomnia

"The word of the Lord came to Jonah...but Jonah ran away from the Lord...then the Lord sent a great wind on the sea and such a violent storm arose that the ship threatened to break up. All the sailors were afraid and each cried out to his own god...But, Jonah had gone below deck, where he lay down and fell into a deep sleep." Jonah 1:1-5

Several months ago, during one of my Dad's sermons, he pointed out something that has stuck with me ever since. He focused on the fact that Jonah was sleeping - even in the midst of a storm - a Storm that was essentially his fault. While others - non-believers - were crying out to their (false) gods, Jonah was unconcerned.

In the "application" portion of his sermon, my Dad said the following, - "If your sins keep you up at night that's good. If you are unable to rest, unable to sleep until you repent and seek God's forgiveness you are on the right path. If however, you are able to willfully sin and be unconcerned, go about your daily lives as if nothing is wrong, and yes, sleep at night - you have a serious, serious problem."

I have to be very careful with the next few paragraphs, but something happened a while ago that has bothered me. I overheard a conversation in which a person who was just placed in a leadership position in a church said the following, "I guess now that people know I'm [in this position] I'll have to stop [insert non-Christian lifestyle choices here] in public. I'll just have to do it at home.

Beyond the obvious problem with this (the leadership of the church obviously didn't pray over their decision, the person did not feel a need to decline the responsibility and accepted the position anyway, etc.) what bothers me most is the lack of personal responsibility before God. The concern was that someone would see and report back to the church, not the fact that they are willfully choosing to rebel against God and engage in a lifestyle that is not appropriate for a Christian - any Christian, whether in a leadership position or not.

I am NOT trying to be legalistic. We all sin and we all ruin our testimony at times. However, it's one thing to react in the moment or make a stupid decision and later apologize for it and something else entirely to PLAN to go against God. This is not an isolated incident. I know it goes on every day. I've seen it countless times in countless churches. People just do not care. We say we believe in God. We say we try to live Christian lives, but for many people this just means going to church on Sunday, minding my own business, not hurting anybody, etc. Pastors teach and preach the truths of God's word and we nod in agreement or say "Amen," but then live with the attitude of "Well, that's just your opinion. I'm going to do it anyway - after all, God loves me. God forgives me."

THANK GOD, for grace and forgiveness and love - all undeserved, but freely given. How comforting to know that God loves us even when we mess up and do stupid things. How wonderful that we can confess our sins and "He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9)! There are so many people who don't know, or who know but forget that God's love is unconditional. This truth should be shouted from the rooftops - it's life changing! However, in our quest to remind and teach people about the unconditional love of God, I'm afraid we have overlooked His holiness. We are so afraid of becoming legalistic Pharisees, of being "holier-than-thou," or of someone quoting the "judge not" verse that we not longer call it what it is. Sin - all out rebellion against a holy God. Simply put - we have no fear of God.

It has not been my intent with this post to judge anyone and honestly, I don't even know the person who started this whole thing. I know I have my own sins that I struggle with - sins such as pride, anxiety, worry, frustration, fear, ingratitude, discontentment, I could keep going...many times these sins are harder to pinpoint. They are easy to overlook as sins because they are more internal - no one can see - and after all, doesn't everyone worry or get frustrated at times? Still, God calls these things sin and before a holy God, sin is sin - whether it is an attitude or an action. There are no degrees of sin. It is my prayer that my sins will keep me awake at night. I don't want to be like Jonah - going through my life like normal while blatantly disregarding His commands.

Yes, God does forgive and He loves me unconditionally. According to Romans 8 NOTHING can ever separate me from His love. Because of the sacrifice of Jesus, I have forgiveness. (The Gospels) I am free! (Galatians) I have untold riches in Jesus. (Ephesians) I can come into God's presence - confident and in full assurance of faith. (Hebrews) However, may I never forget that I serve a holy God and because He is holy he cannot and will not tolerate my sin - whether I want to believe that or not.

We would all do well to spend some time meditating on the words of Hebrews 10:26-31

"For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a terrifying expectation of judgement and "the fury of a fire that will consume the adversaries." Anyone who has set aside the Law of Moses dies without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. How much severer punishment do you think he will deserve who has trampled under foot the Son of God, and has regarded as unclean the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know Him who said, "vengeance is mine, I will repay" and again, "the Lord will judge His people." It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hand of the living God." [Emphasis added]

May God break my heart over my sins and keep me awake at night until I repent and accept the forgiveness He is so willing to give. Then, I will rest in His love.