Every Good Gift

I love to give gifts. One of my favorite things is to pay careful attention to what people say. It is exciting to me to give a gift that someone is not expecting - maybe they mentioned something they always wanted and then forgot about mentioning it - I love to make mental note of this and surprise them. No matter what the "thing" is, to me, the real gift is the fact that someone thought of you, took time to know what you like, and wanted to do something special to say "I love you." "I care about you." "Thank You." When I give gifts, it is not out of a sense of obligation, it's because I want to give. I enjoy doing special things for people who are special to me.

God has recently given me a gift - personal space. My family and I live in a tiny house and for years there was no where I could have uninterrupted time with Him, or even just time to think. As a person who needs a certain amount of solitude and quiet time, especially for prayer and bible study, this has been rather frustrating. For the most part I dealt with it, but there were some weeks where I was driven to the "edge." Oddly, I never prayed about this. However, God knew and decided to do something about it. A wall came down, a wall went up, paint colors have been chosen and although not complete yet, soon I will have my "sanctuary."

I am really excited and thankful now, but when the whole process started I had a hard time with it. I felt guilty and selfish - other people are being inconvenienced for me; they are only doing this b/c they are tired of hearing me complain; there are people in the world living on the streets and I am complaining because I don't have space in my HOUSE?! Seriously?! God gently reminded me that this gift was from Him and my reaction was not one of thankfulness and appreciation, but frustration and guilt.

As I pondered and questioned my initial reaction and feelings to this gift, I was struck with a disturbing realization. Sometimes it is hard for me to accept the goodness of God. Why? I have no idea, but somewhere along the way I developed some misconceptions about God and the fact that he delights in His children. As I thought about this, the Holy Spirit brought to mind two scriptures that I had apparently forgotten:

"Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow." James 1:17

"What man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!" Matthew 7:9-11

It's a process, but I'm learning to be more aware of the little surprises and gifts God sends my way. He dosen't do it out of obligation, but out of love! Hopefully, as I focus more on the goodness of my Heavenly Father I will be less likely to complain and will accept gratefully and joyfully the good gifts he delights to give!